Stop Dreaming and Start Living - What The Press Say
by Elizabeth Mapstone
Don't just take my word for it. See the coverage.
The West Briton - 1 April 2004
'Stop dreaming, start living' brings clarity and energy.
by Zoe Mills
Elizabeth Mapstone's second book Stop Dreaming, Start Living pledges to discover readers' hidden powers through a unique life mapping programme.
She said: "It seems like a huge claim but I've been trying this programme on people for years and it works, which is why I've written the book.
"I have been careful to base it on good scientific information - there is nothing in it that has not been tried and tested for many years." Elizabeth, aged 64, said the life planning technique worked through a series of simple but carefully constructed pencil and paper exercises which could be completed over a weekend.
"For example I get people to draw a picture of their life, which can really be quite revealing.
"They help you try to discover who you really think you are - what are your fears and the things that stop you doing exactly what you want to do," she said. "The nasty niggles that undermine your self-confidence and are deep inside you.
"Then we take a look at the things you are good at, that give you pleasure and make you feel alive and show you different ways in which you can create your dreams.
"You can turn your life around and make it happen for yourself, which sounds like a tall order but it really does work. But you have to be honest with yourself - if you're not then don't bother." Elizabeth, who lives in Tintagel, said the technique could be used by people such as women whose children have just started school, or left home and find they have time on their hands, or people who don't enjoy their jobs but don't know what else to do.
Many people across Cornwall have successfully tried the programme - girls, boys, men and women from 13 years old to 80.
One woman, Kristina Amadeus, who lives in Penzance, said: "This really is an exciting book. Not only did the exercises bring clarity, they also created feelings of great energy and optimism.
"Stop Dreaming, Start Living is a real treasure, and should help many people to clarify just what their issues really are, and how they can change direction in life. It's so important to discover, not to be told. I am no longer just dreaming, the living has begun." Margaret Schwarz, from Camelford, said: "I hadn't realised how high a need I have for security and how I want a perfect life for my family. A guarantee of failure.
"Once you have the insights it's up to you. I'm really changing my life." Yesterday (Wednesday), there was a chance to meet Elizabeth at Ottakars in Truro for a "meet the local author" event.
Spirit & Destiny - April 2004
Book Review
Reviewed by our expert, life coach and director of The Life Change Consultancy, Sara Freeston
Stop Dreaming, Start Living is based on Elizabeth Mapstone's Life Planning Programme. A trained psychologist, Mapstone has devised a system which enables anyone to bring positive change into their life.
Despite being presented with opportunities to change our lives for the better, we are all guilty of falling into situations or making choices which have left us unfulfilled. Mapstone's mission is to assist us in rediscovering our freedom of choice. Her approach is simple and practical. A series of pen and paper exercises guide the reader through a process of self-discovery, demon confrontation, identification of strengths and realisation of dreams.
In a nutshell: Gain greater self awareness in a weekend and realise some of those long-forgotten dreams!
MsLexia - Apr-Jun 2004
Review
Stop Dreaming, Start Living by psychologist Elizabeth Mapstone, offers a rigorous programme based on pen-and-paper exercises, underpinned by her theoretical knowledge of psychotherapy. Like other writers, she uses cases studies, but rather than giving different examples for each specific point, she introduces 18 people at the beginning of the book, and uses their experiences to illustrate each stage of her programme.
This enables the reader to get a sense of their journey, the things that worked and didn't work for each individual. The case studies are quite lengthy but the clear layout means readers can skip them, or choose to read only cases they identify with.
The people in her case studies have recognisable ambitions and dilemmas and she doesn't shy away from the difficulties in making change. One woman's marriage broke up, at considerable emotional and financial cost. She still felt she'd made the right decision because it enabled her to fulfill her dream and become an artist.
This, paradoxically, makes the model more persuasive for me than other writers' tales of millionaires and beautiful people.
Some might feel daunted by the commitment required to complete the exercises - but anyone who's unwilling to give up a few hours to work through them is unlikely to find the motivation to make profound life changes.
Western Morning News - 27 March 2004
Escape the rut - Gillian Molesworth talks to Elizabeth Mapstone
Are you bored? Unhappy? Stuck in a rut? Don't quite feel like the parts of your life are amounting to an acceptable whole? Well get ye to the bookstore, because a new work by a Cornwall-based author could be the life buoy you need in this sink-or-swim world. Stop Dreaming, Start Living by Elizabeth Mapstone might be just what you need to make a change.
"This book is about how you can learn to see clearly what you want, what you need, and how you can find the courage to choose what is right for you," writes Elizabeth.
She says it is not a traditional self-help book." Most self-help methods rely on exhortation, getting the individual to 'commit' themselves...Initially, these methods may appear to work quite well, because hope inspires a rush of adrenalin and the writer's words boost the reader's self-esteem. Alas,adrenalin and hope are not enough. They are like taking aspirin or sleeping pills-they make you feel better but do nothing about the root cause."
Elizabeth's method is the result of years of study, combined with her experience with both psychoanalysis and "life planning" workshops that she used to run. Her methodology is simple: you go through about 19 exercises using a pen and paper, moving at your own pace. If you do the exercises properly, by the end you should be able to confront your "inner demons," identify your dreams and start taking proactive measures to do what you really want.
"The danger is that people stop halfway through," said Elizabeth, who lives near Boscastle in North Cornwall with her husband." If you only get to the 'demon voices' section then the exercises will be very depressing. You have to keep going."
Elizabeth uses throughout the book the real-life examples of 18 people who completed her programme. They range in age from 13 to 75, male and female, from a variety of backgrounds and situations. These examples are interesting to read in and of themselves, for instance their different interpretations of a life diagram. Their presence in the book makes the exercises easier.
The book is written in friendly and straightforward prose, switching between the exercises to the examples to some rudimentary psychoanalysis. One of Elizabeth's great inspirations in the psychoanalytical world was Jung.
"I didn't like Freud," she said." I didn't think everything should have to be reduced to sex. There was a spiritual dimension as well, and Jung confirmed that. He got a lot of things right."
The book emphasises identifying what you really want; in several of the examples, this was not the same as what people thought they wanted. One woman thought her marriage was a source of anxiety, then through analysis realised that actually she had fundamental faith in her husband, it was other factors that were causing her grief. Conversely, another of Elizabeth's subjects refused to admit that there was anything wrong with his family life, despite the fact that his mental health had become so bad that he had severe claustrophobia. It took him years to admit that in fact something was deeply wrong and do something about it.
Elizabeth's career is its own story of inspiration. As a girl in the 1950s, she wanted to be a doctor; her father, however, didn't believe in higher education for women. She moved to Canada and got a job as a journalist; it was here that she discovered psychology.
"This was the beginning of a life-long love affair," she said." I loved psychoanalysis but I wanted to know the science behind it as well."
So, Elizabeth went to Oxford to do a degree in experimental psychology at the age of 44, after her third and youngest child had gone off to art college. After that she went on to get a doctorate. So much for other people's expectations.
"This book is for anybody who's feeling: maybe there's a bit more to life than what I've got," says Elizabeth." If you're in a job that you really don't enjoy it's quite probable that you can find one that you do. This method helps people find out what they really want, which is not necessarily they thought they wanted. One woman who did the course found that all she really needed was a bit of fun. If you have that revelation then you can do something about it. And maybe it won't be that hard."
Take a Break - March 2004
Take Time Out
Everyone needs some pleasure in their lives. Taking time out and giving your mind a break from the stresses of everyday life is good for you.
When you do something you enjoy, your brain reduces production of adrenaline - the stress chemical - and increases serotonin, which helps produce feelings of calm and relaxation.
So make sure you do something that gives you pleasure for at least 30 minutes every day. It doesn't matter what, as long as it makes you happy.
List your sources of pleasure and view your list regularly, selecting at least one of item from it daily. Don't feel guilty about taking time for yourself. It'll help you feel wonderful - and everyone in your life will benefit.
Based on Stop Dreaming, Start Living, by Elizabeth Mapstone (Vermilion, £8.99).
New Woman - Mar 2004
60-Second Therapy
Stop Dreaming, Start Living By Elizabeth Mapstone (Vermilion, £8.99).
It's easy to fall into a job or relationship and then feel trapped. But whatever your dream, you can turn it into a reality. Elizabeth says: "Draw a pie chart and give each of your worries an appropriate share of the circle. Write alongside what each worry is saying to you." Confront your demons and they won't prevent you fulfilling your dream. (4 stars).
The Sun - 5 June 2004
Deirdre - The World's No 1 Agony Aunt
"Girls don't want little boring guys like me"
Dear Deidre
WHAT chance do I stand when girls all go for guys who are well-hung, well-paid and chatty?
I am under-paid, underendowed and boring so I despair of finding someone who will understand and appreciate me the way I am.
I'm 24 and I've only ever had a couple of proper girlfriends. I've dated other girls but they soon lose interest in me. One claimed I was the most boring guy she'd ever met in her life.
I look down on myself and my self-esteem is zilch. Everything is wrong with me. I have a small manhood, I'm dull and I have a c*** job -I stack shelves in a supermarket.
How are people like me supposed to build up their self-esteem if no one gives us a chance? You'll probably tell me to study and better myself. But if I start an academic course now it'll take forever. By then I'll be too old and useless to get a good job anyway.
How can I find a partner in spite of my faults?
DEIDRE SAYS: It is never too late to take action which will make your life better.
Studying or doing voluntary work which will boost your CV could also help you meet women. And they will be more interested in your mutual pursuits than the size of your tackle.
In any case, the size of your manhood is no measure of your skills as a lover.
Today's advice line will reassure you. And read Stop Dreaming, Start Living by Elizabeth Mapstone (Vermilion, Pounds 8.99) for a practical life plan.
(C) The Sun, 2004
Best magazine - March 2004
From The Book Shelves
In Stop Dreaming, Start Living (Vermilion, £8.99), psychologist Dr Elizabeth Mapstone presents a series of motivating pencil-and-paper exercises (plus theory and real-life stories) to help people identify hidden strengths and clarify goals. If you feel trapped or at a crossroads, this might be worth a look.
Best magazine - June 2004
Why Kids Forgive Mums - article about being a working or a stay-at-home mum.
Psychologist Dr Elizabeth Mapstone says, "As with every situation, there are pros and cons to both sides of this argument. According to research, the children of working mums are generally more confident and independent and, because they're used to mixing in different environments, they're more adaptable.
"However, children who are brought up in a home where Mum is always there, tend to be more relaxed and secure.
"But every child is different and what works for one might not necessarily be right for another. Mums know their children best and understand what is best for them. The important thing is for both Mum and the children to be happy."
Dr Mapstone's new book, Stop Dreaming, Start Living (£8.99, Vermillion) will help women, including mums who are unsure about where their lives are going, to deal with their fears and anxieties.
Woman and Home - July 2004
Believe in yourself.
Want to change the way you live? Author and psychologist Elizabeth Mapstone says the most powerful first step is to develop self-belief.
When you want to change your life-and we all do from time to time-the most important starting point is to believe you can do it. It doesn't really matter what sort of change it is. It may be minor (a different hairstyle) or major (a new career or getting married). You may worry about whether or not you're doing the right thing, other people may try to discourage you or you may start to have doubts about yourself. To make changes you need the strength that comes from knowing you can trust your own judgement. you need the power of self-belief.
Unfortunately, women often have trouble believing in themselves. Many of us have been taught from an early age to nurture others and put ourselves second. This means that, in later life, we have trouble putting our own needs into the equation. I remember feeling like this myself-that I didn't have the right to train as a psychotherapist, that it would take too long, that my children needed my full attention, that I was being selfish.
But it's not selfish to try to fulfil our desires and it's not vain and foolish to be proud of our talents and to want to use them. It's good, sensible and psychologically healthy. We all need to learn to trust ourselves and have the confidence that we can make choices. I know it's not easy-I spent years sabotaging my own efforts before I realised what I was doing. So if you've spent a lifetime thinking of other people and not yourself, it may take a while to kick the habit. The following simple exercises can help start you off. (Make sure you write down your answers or you won't discover anything new.)
Who are you?
List as many ways as you can think of (a minimum of ten) to describe yourself.
There are many different ways in which you might see yourself and there may be aspects so central that you don't even think to write them down. Perhaps you're and considerate of other people's feelings but take it for granted that that is the way to be. you may be a wonderful cook or a gifted letter –writer, but it doesn't occur to you that these are some of the things that make you unique. Consider your roles, abilities,
Qualities, relationships, experience, physical characteristics, how you direct your attention and energies and how to evaluate your experience. This exercise focuses on how you see yourself, how you experience being you and what it feels like being inside your skin. So include those items that reflect important aspects of yourself.
What matters most?
From the above list, select the ten most important descriptions and put them in order of appearance.
This exercise should reveal what you consider most central to being you. As you do this, you may find that you want to change your original list. Go ahead-the more you probe, the more likely you are to discover the really important things that are essential to being you. You're painting a "word" portrait of yourself. you may perhaps have started by thinking of how other people see you-wife, mother, and sales-woman, business executive-and then find that your intelligence, for example, or your warmth is more important. Or you may have written "dissatisfied" or "frustrated".
And then discover that "talented" describes you better.
Then examine your self portrait from a different angle. Do you like yourself? Are the traits you've listed good or bad? Most people are pleased to find that thieve acknowledged their own merits. If you're happy being you and appreciate your good qualities, hold on to that positive feeling-it's good.
Occasionally, though, someone comes up with a litany of self criticism. If this is you, ask yourself if this depressing portrait can really be all there is. Don't you have any good qualities? Of course you do. courage for a start, or you wouldn't be doing this exercise! And a valuable sense that you can make changes in your life. So be aware that you have a carping critic sitting on your shoulder, dripping poison in your ear. working on developing a belief is an antidote to the poison and will help dislodge that carping critic for good.
The self-portrait usually reveals the situations that frustrate you, make you feel trapped and prevent you from developing a belief in yourself. for example, it might be that you put things in a particular order and find your dreams stuck in the middle of your list by your roles as mother,wife,daughter. Discovering this can help you examine the beliefs you have about your situation. Stand back and be aware of how you feel and how your emotions may be interfering with your ability to believe in yourself.
What are your achievements?
Start with your childhood and list everything you can think of that was an achievement at the time. You may need several sheets of paper! Don't compare yourself with others, just think of what mattered to you at the time such as how you learned to read, ride a bike, swim. All the skills you've learned over your lifetime add up to the person you are. You may discover that you have already achieved a great deal more than you ever suspected.
What do you like about yourself?
What aspects of yourself are you happy with? Try to list at least five. If your self-confidence is sagging, you may hesitate over this exercise. But when you realise that you do have good qualities-that there are parts of your life which bring happiness, that you've achieved things you can be proud of-you'll find your spirits rise. Self-belief brings pleasure. If you need to go back and change your self-portrait to a more positive one, do it now.
Who's in control?
Take your list of the ten most important things you feel are you. If you were living on a desert island, what would you change?
How dependent are you on other people for your sense of self? If you were alone on a desert island, how would you like to be? In the past, when I did this exercise, the thought of escaping from other people gave me a sense of pleasure and relaxation-a sign that I wasn't taking my own needs seriously. If this is you, you've been alerted. Now I try to be true to myself-whoever I'm with. It took me a long time to realise how much I worried about what other people thought of me. Before you think about the other people in your life, be clear about what you think about yourself.
Moving on.....
After doing these exercises you may feel overwhelmed by a gulf between what you feel is the inner and outer you.
- DON'T WORRY, recognising this disparity is the first step towards developing self-belief. You first need to know what's wrong with your current way of life if you're to build on that glowing belief in yourself. How else could you know what you need to change?
- THE NEXT STEP is to create a vision of how you would like your life to be. What would you be doing if you were true to that inner you? Where would you be? How would you feel? How would other people see you? This is a time to produce a mental image of your future. You may have heard of how sports people are encouraged to visualise themselves winning. Visualising yourself accomplishing whatever you really want is a powerful tool. The mind is a potent force. Create a dream image of your future with care, because it will begin to guide your steps in everything you do. Mind over matter really works.
- ONCE YOU HAVE a guiding image of a future in which you're true to your inner you, you can take steps to turn your dream into reality. Some of these may be hard and you'll need to keep reminding yourself of where you're going and why. But that image of your future will tell you what you need to do and every step nearer your goal will boost your self-belief and your self-confidence. Believe me, you can do it.